On pages 53-54, Chan writes, "Most of us, to some degree, have a difficult time understanding, believing, or accepting God's absolute and unlimited love for us. The reasons we don't receive, trust, or see His love vary from one person to the next, but we all miss out because of it."
I think there is great truth to this statement simply because we are finite beings with limited perspectives. We'll never be able to fully understand God's infinite character and being. There have been times in my life that I've felt like God could never really love me. Just because my sinful nature would seem so overwhelming. Even in my best of times, I don't think I'm able to understand/accept God's absolute and unlimited love for me. It just doesn't feel "right". It seems unbalanced or unfair that I am able to mess up and sin daily yet God unconditionally loves me. Yet when I confess my sins to Him, He immediately forgives me and casts my sins as far as the east is from the west.
Romans 8:29 says, "Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." That's a very comforting verse, especially when it feels as if God is so far away. That I've done something where I'm just kicking myself and feeling so low. He loves me still. He loves me always. No matter what. And He wants me to love Him. He constantly draws me close to Him.
I try to think of why I can't fully understand, believe, or accept God's love. And something that keeps surfacing in my mind is because I am different from God. Can one ever fully understand someone who is different than them? I don't think so. I think that there is great opportunity to bridge the gap of differences, but to always fully understand isn't possible. At least not in my opinion.
It's because I am programmed to think, feel, and act a certain way. And someone who is different from me won't think, feel, and act in those same ways. In this instance, God is so much more merciful than I could ever hope to be. Although He is a just God, He doesn't not feel vengeful when someone wrongs Him and then admits their faults. I know sometimes I can feel vengeful though. I think one of my main struggles in life is wrestling with feelings of anger when I feel someone has wronged me or someone I deeply care about.
Although light has been shed on this dark area of my life and I've been working at getting better. Where once I would harbor ill feelings in my heart and have a hard time forgiving, I am now able to forgive and not harbor those feelings. Sometimes I know and feel that I'm not quite ready to forgive someone so I won't tell them I forgive them until I truly do. This is something that has really helped me. Instead of feeling a pressure to forgive, I am able to pray about it and truly forgive to the point of not harboring those ill feelings, even if something similar happens again. I think of 1 Corinthians 13: 5 where it is written that love keeps no record of wrongs. I think women tend to do this more than men, but it is something I've been genuinely working on.
It's not always easy to believe God's love either. When times are tough and it feels as though things are going wrong, it's quite easy to begin to doubt God's love. The lies of Satan come crashing in. When I feel as though God isn't answering my prayers, I can feel two ways. 1-I can feel as if God doesn't love me or 2-I can trust Him. This has been a big improvement in my life.
When I don't understand something, I try to immediately recall Proverbs 3:5-6. When I pray about a situation and seemingly it's not being answered, I trust the Lord. I trust His love for me and that He never has plans to harm me. It's a lot easier to not be upset about things in my life with this either. I have a lot of family related issues and lately I have been feeling the burden of guilt, the grips of anger, and the pain that surely comes this side of Heaven, being lifted and loosened. It has been years in the making, but I am slowly coming to feel a peace about it all.
And that only happens with trusting the Lord.
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