Crazy Love, Chapter 2.

I feel like the beginning of this chapter was written specifically for me.

Especially page 42: "Worry implies that we don't quite trust the God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or our tight grip of control. Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional.".

WOW-that really hits home for me!

When I start to become worried or stressed, Philippians 4:6 often comes to mind: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." This has only been a semi-recent development within the last year or so. I've been actively seeking to continuously surrender my worries to God. I even made a frame with this verse in it and hung it over our bed. But I don't think I'll ever be able to fully live out this verse.

Occasionally I've been able to pray instead of worry. Sometimes, by God's grace, I'm able to not be anxious. But never in everything. And that's only half the verse!

I haven't even mentioned the fact that nearly never have I been thankful for things that cause me to worry or be stressed. Sure, I could fake it and thank God for allowing such and such to happen. But do I mean it? Do I really mean it? Probably not. Lord-willing, maybe someday I'll reach the height of maturity where I can truly be thankful about those sort of things. For now, I'll continue to work on it.

And now this verse is coupled with page 42 in my mind. The grave reality that comes with worrying. The implication that my God is not enough. Whether it be big enough, powerful enough, or caring enough. Do I really think this? Consciously-no. Subconsciously? Absolutely. Otherwise, I would not worry. Yet I continually let this poisoned idea slip into my head. And it can quickly control my thoughts and before I know it I'm spiraling downhill into a sea of anxiety and worry. Which ultimately can lead to more stress in my life. I really need to work on this. I know that God is bigger than anything I can think or see in my own life. I know that God certainly does care enough for me. I am finite. God is infinite. My vision is limited and understanding is limited. God is omniscient. It seems so easy to choose to trust Him. To give control of my anxieties over to an all-knowing and infinite God. Yet I continue to struggle.

The battle rages on.

And stress. There is nothing that can excuse me from sinning and not trusting God. My situations and the stuff in my life does not justify this. But how often do I get caught up in the "stuff" in my life and forget about God? Too often. How often do I get caught up in what is going on with me that I am rude to others or neglect friendships or family? Again, too often. I don't intentionally choose these actions or thoughts, but I also don't intentionally choose to surrender.

And therein lies the problem. Now it's just a matter of surrendering control of my life to God before the anxieties of life take control over me.

Chan's other main point was being ready to die. Ready in the sense that you have saving faith and know that when you die, you'll go to Heaven. I have this blessed assurance, but I know countless people who don't. And what am I doing about this? Sadly, very little. This is also a "work-in-progress" area of my life. I can't control whether or not a person chooses to make Jesus their savior. But when God presents opportunities in my life, I can pray and ask Him to control my words and actions. It's not that I hide or reject my faith, it's just that I need to be more open about sharing it. There has been growth in this area with some of my coworkers, which I'm thankful for. But I know there is so much growth still to take place.